were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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