Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
