Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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