You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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