Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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