He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
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I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
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He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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