I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
