i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
