I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
