listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
