Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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