I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
