can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
