I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
