i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize