hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
