Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize