Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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