You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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