If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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