apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
