You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
