1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
