you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
