Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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