i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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