Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
