Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
