It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
