What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
