The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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