I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
