there's paper in my vomit.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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