I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
