I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
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Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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