We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
