TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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