3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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