you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
