how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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