At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish i was in the wii world.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
