Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
