there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
