so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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