oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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