My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
