She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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