his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
