I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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