Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
