and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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