the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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