I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
