I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
