Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Randomize
