he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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