I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
