I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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