Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
