Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
