My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
