those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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