Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
