Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
