Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
