Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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