FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
