I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
