11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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