How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Randomize
