I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
