I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
