I didn't shave. On purpose
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
