There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
