Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
