Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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