Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
