Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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